Twilight’s Last Gleaming (1977)

Twilight’s Last Gleaming is a good destination for anyone looking for precursors to The Rock or the television show 24. The Rock possesses the idea of a rogue army officer threatening a terrorist attack against a U.S. government that he feels has acted dishonestly. 24 contains the idea of a race against time told across split-screens. However, neither The Rock or 24 had Robert Aldrich in command.

Robert Aldrich is a pulp fiction filmmaker. His movies deal with the less than noble elements of society – the criminal, the corrupt, the broken and the battered. However, his heroes are often trying to right a wrong or to make amends.  Twilight’s Last Gleaming is no different,  but as Aldrich flicks go, this ones is not his greatest. Forced to re-create U.S. military installations in Munich, where the film was shot, the sets lack the heft and weight of real life military structures. The chintzy sets and props cheapen the look of the film and distract from the rather serious political statement being made by the characters.

Further more, the split-screen is more experiment than artistic statement. While it pulls together disparate locations and characters something is amiss with the editing within each frame. It is a matter I want to explore more deeply in other films that use split-screen, but in short let me say this. When a split-screen is used to show that two actions are taking place in two different locations and edit within one of those screens indicates a break in time or a shift in location. This disruption, especially when no such disruption takes place in the other screen is jarring.

Still, this is a tense little chess-match of a film and like most Aldrich films we find ourselves rooting for an unlikely, but fully driven, anti-hero, who in this day and age would be labeled a traitor or worse yet, a terrorist. And, just what does this terrorist want? Simply, the truth – that the U.S. government has hidden away some rather nefarious facts from the general public, facts that would forever change how Americans view their country. It’s an idea as possible today as it was in 1977, but let’s hope it remains pulp fiction.

The Lords of Salem (2013)

 

Meet the new scream queen of menstrual cinema.

So rare is it that I get to go to the movie theater that you’d  think I’d make greater use of such a rarefied night than going to see the new Rob Zombie horror flick. Yet, there I was, at the cineplex awash in regret. The choice of film was not exactly mine, but considering the other things playing in town, this was sure shot. There was no way The Lords of Salem was going to disappoint, but don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting it to be good.

Here’s a little side-note. I’m much happier enjoying a film that I know is going to be a disaster than expecting a film to connect with me emotionally or a film that is trying to sell me an image of coolness. If a film has some sort of statement to make about the human condition or it’s trying to wow me with the lifestyle of the characters in the film I don’t want to see it, not when I’m looking to just lose my mind for an hour or two. Give me madness, give me bat-shit-demented-off-the-rails-crazy. This is why I went to The Lords of Salem not Place Beyond the Pines or To The Wonder.

However, no sooner did the previews start before I began to rethink my stance on entertaining cinema.  As expected, the trailers playing before The Lords of Salem were for other horror or thriller films. Most exploited flashy editing, shocking imagery, and high levels of grotesqueness. They got me primed for the feature presentation, but mostly they got me wondering why I waste my time at all with horror movies. Why subject myself to such brutal imagery? Can’t I just turn on the news? I swore that if I lived through this night out I’d change my viewing habits for good. But, tonight, it was too late. I was there, in my seat, ten dollars poorer, and full of regret. Roll the film.

The Lords of Salem is not a great horror film. The first hour drags, so much that I fell asleep. But Thankfully, I woke in time to witness a demonic wookie in a room with a neon cross. That is when The Lords of Salem got entertaining. For the next hour a series of seemingly connected, but never fully developed, scenes flashed on the screen. The film is littered with gothic, witchy, demonic imagery and lots and lots of elderly full frontal nudity. Because, what is scarier than the body of an aging woman, right?

I suggest you let the demonic wookie win.

Rob Zombie’s aesthetic is that of a music video director. The image is king and the story need only hold on by the thinnest of threads. His plan of attack is that of a chimpanzee flinging shit. He throws so many plot lines, ideas, and half-formulated concepts at the screen see what sticks and what slides away. What’s left is a scatter shot of interesting ideas that never fertilized. As the film progresses the weirdness quickens. Zombie appears desperate to shock and awe his audience, but what ends up happening is something different, something ludicrous.  Lucky for him, or perhaps lucky for me, people didn’t mind laughing at his vision hell.

Normally, when I crack-up in a theater I’m expecting sneers, cold-stares, or death-threats. This happens more than you’d want to know and it probably explains why my wife and I rarely go out to the cinema. I make bad cinema interactive and I guess that even in this day and age not everyone wants interactive. That or we all don’t agree to call a bad film out when we see it.  Thankfully, I was not in the minority at The Lords of Salem. Because when Rob Zombie’s version of Satan waddles onto the screen – and don’t worry I won’t spoil the best laugh in the film by describing this abomination – but when it shows up, the dams burst and the whole theater erupted in laughter.

Kudos to you Rob Zombie.  You turned my regret into unabashed joy. I don’t understand what your problem is with your wife’s menstrual cycle and there is enough evidence in this film for a graduate student to write a thesis, but for now I’m not giving up on horror films. I’m just going to continue to seek out the head-scratching horror; the films that are more scared of making sense than making scares.

Five on the Black Hand Side (1973)

“You’ve been coffy-tized, blacula-rized and super-flied – but now you’re gonna be glorified, unified and filled-with-pride,” was Five on the Black Hand Side‘s tagline. The film presents itself as an antidote to blaxploitation. While it does present a non-exploitative, humorous clash between different generations and ideologies, the film cannot shake its roots. Developed from Charlie L. Russell‘s stage play of the same name the movie feels stilted. While the debate between various characters is lively, it never feels natural. Plainly speaking, it feels scripted. The dialogue is well written, directly poignant and funny. Most of all, the film willingly approach serious questions of black identity and politics, even if ever so lightly, which is more than I can say for anything coming from modern black filmmakers like the Tyler Perry or the Wayans Brothers, who once mimicked characters from Five on the Black Hand Side in their show In Living Color. 

Short Cut to Hell (1957)

 James Cagney‘s one and only directorial effort has little to offer that could not already be found A Gun For Hire. Both films pull their ideas from the same Graham Greene novel. While neither picture disappoints, Short Cut to Hell simply cannot compare to A Gun for Hire. Why Cagney would try to make his directorial debut re-doing a film that already succeeded in spades is quite confusing. I guess all the grumbling we hear today about remakes of films is nothing new. Time usually has a way of making us forget these these second efforts of cinema, especially when the originals are seen as classics of a genre. Still, remakes might offer something fresh. For me, Short Cut To Hell offers up the line, “That’s a lot of lettuce to spend on peppermint patties.” It’s the sort of line you can pull off in a noir film; completely contrived yet wonderful to the ear. The fast, tough, and sharp dialog of noir films is pure fantasy when done right and hokum when done wrong. Cagney, being an actor, exceeds in handling the performances and dialog, but the visuals are rarely memorable, though never below par. Overall,  A Shortcut to Hell is a decent noir and far more entertaining than pretty much anything I’ll find on TV or at the theaters. Noir is certainly my go to comfort cinema.

Youngblood (1978)

One might suspect that from its tagline – “If you live through the gang wars, the pushers, the back-alley deathtraps… YOU GONNA BE A STAR!’ – that Youngblood would be an uplifting story about someone finding salvation through basketball. However, the film is bleak and discouraging, in a rather honest way. Still, it is worth watching this movie for its minor victories. The look of the film is gritty realism and the fight scenes are extremely visceral. The scenes on the basketball courts are well shot and edited.  Strongest of all are a funky soundtrack by War and solid performances by Bryan O’Dell (What’s Happening?) and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs (Welcome Back Kotter). Combined these can’t save the film from the loose ends that leave Youngblood‘s narrative dangling. Youngblood ends with one of those classic 70′s freeze-frames almost as if the production ran out of funds before the story could be completed.

Re-Animator (1985)

Re-Animator is from a time when effects were practical and films were far more fun. It’s exciting to think of effects wizards working with latex and fake blood not CGI wizards hunched over keyboards. The mental image of the former is a kin to a mad scientist in his workshop. The latter has all the visual energy and wonder of an account pouring over a ledger.  It’s also a lot more fun to imagine the crew and actors on the set watching body parts exploded than imagining them re-acting to events that will be added in post-production. Personally, I think the act of making a film like Re-Animator be just as fun as watching it. You can watch it here or on Netflix and tell me, am I wrong?

Also, I think the font in the credits of Re-Animator is the same as Law & Order, no?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (1982)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains is a punk rock fantasy that would have us believe an arena of already brain-washed punks (or skunks as they call themselves, here) would sincerely listen to Ray Winstone lecture them about how they’ve been marketed to by a fraudulent female punk band that is more fashion than fury. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains is a satire, but it fails to mock the simple notion that no rocker pushing 30 is going to be able to talk any sense into a crowd of consumerist teen rebels. That’s just farce.

This movie was fun as a kid, but it’s more funny than fun once you are over 30 and no longer trustworthy. I think I’ll stick with Out of the Blue.