How is it that we were all able to agree that New Coke was a bad idea, but we can’t all agree that New Star Wars has been just as bad? Is it because Lucas won’t listen to his fans, because he has shelved away the original films and forced us to drink his new brand of digital swill or go thirsty, that we have to put up with this tidal wave of modern day mis-steps? Does Lucas care one bit or does he secretly hate Star Wars fans, as I am starting to believe he does? Did he complete the series – though stopping at six and not doing the once promised nine films – to simply shut up mouth-breathing, basement-dwelling fanboys?
Before I even pressed one finger to one key I cringed at the responses I may never get. Speaking out against Star Wars on an internite site makes me feel like a pacifist at the Republican National Convention. I feel like a Pro-lifer at a NOW meeting. I feel like a man about to piss off hundreds of Star Wars fans who want nothing more than a flame war to spice up their lives. Yet, before I do give them cause to get their XXL boxers in bunch I also feel compelled to scream, not just state but literally scream, “I Loved Star Wars“.
The problem is that I loved Star Wars when I was a kid. I even loved it through the early 90′s before Lucas arose from his long hibernation with a digital desire to dick with something classic. I still embraced the classic trilogy. I watched it everyday. I knew all the trivia. I wanted to wear a Stormtrooper helmet for my senior portrait. Admittedly, I was a geek. So, I take it personally when today’s Star Wars fans – those who have just come to embrace the films and those who have held a torch since the late 70′s – treat me as if I never knew their passion and therefore could never understand their love for these films. In a way, I am like a military vet speaking out against war – though comparing those who have put their life on the line to those who Star Wars fans in desperate need of a life does great disservice to those men and woman who fought in real wars.
All this said, I don’t want any flack from present day fanboys when I say one simple sentence that sums up this latest and final chapter in the Star Wars franchise.
That’s right, the film is silly. The whole damn story is silly. It’s so silly it made me lose respect for original trilogy.
Yes, I gave this new film the benefit of the doubt. I wanted it to be good. I really wanted it to erase the sour Jar-Jar-rific taste of Episode 1 and the not so horrible taste of Episode 2. Like all Star Wars fans I wanted it to tie up the loose ends and bind the two trilogies in a logical fashion. But, no matter how much benefit of the doubt I gave the film, no matter how greatly I tried to suspend my disbelief I still found the whole thing to be…you guessed it…SILLY.
Now, I could argue point by point the reasons why Lucas failed with this second trilogy and why Revenge of the Sith disappoints me – a die hard original trilogy fan. But, why should I? What difference would it make? Star Wars zealots can’t be reasoned with. They are blind to even the biggest problems in their beloved series. There’s just no arguing with them. It’s like talking to brick walls.
Though, I suspect that if they took the wise words of their adored Jedi masters and they looked in their hearts they would see the truth, they would know that Lucas failed them, that this film is silly. Buth then they’d look you straight in the face and lie to you. Because it’s better to fool yourself into thinking that Revenge of the Sith is the second coming than to admit that you’ve wasted your life waiting for hogwash. Silly, silly hogwash.